So it goes.

As I was starting a load of laundry earlier, I was thinking about Lila and how much I like her. I mean, we definitely have days when we aren't very fond of one another, but there are many more days when we have a lot of fun together. She is so sweet, and she is the funniest little person - I love to watch her play because you can see her learning right in front of your eyes!

Anyway, I was thinking about her and decided that she's my friend. I imagined telling someone that she's my best friend -- but that didn't feel right. As I thought about it more, I realized it's not true and I don't think it should be. She is not my best friend, or even a regular friend. She is my daugther. And that is something altogether different and more special.

I think maybe it's easy to start thinking of your child(ren) as your best friend and I'm not sure that's a good idea. A friend is someone that you lean on and turn to for support. A child is someone who leans on you and looks to you for support. You still have fun times together and, hopefully, can spend a lot of time talking, but they cannot give you the encouragement and perspective that we need our friends for.

I've only been a mother for 18 months and a wife for 4 years, so I know that I have limited understanding. But please allow me, with my limited understanding, to step up onto a soapbox for a moment. I believe that your best friend, if you are married, should be your spouse (i do recognize that takes the effort of two people and is not always possible). And, whether you are married or not, I think you should have a few close friends of the same sex.

Doug and I agree that we are best friends, but when we spend all of our time together and neglect our other friends, it begins to affect us. We need someone who can understand the part of us that only a person of the same sex can really understand. And we need an outside party sometimes to help us with perspective on problems, or just life in general.

I'm not really going anywhere with this. It's just something I was thinking about and wanted to share. And now I can hear that Lila has woken from her nap, so I guess I'll stop. :)

P.S. - Our oven died a fiery death last night. RIP

1 comment:

Grandmere Mimi said...

Believe me, I understand completely. While there have been times in the past when I realized I was leaning on you more than I should have, as when your father and I split up, fortunately I realized it before it became a problem (at least I think I did, let me know if not). But for as long as I can remember I have always felt a bond with you that I never will with anyone else, because you are, quite literally, a part of me. I heard someone on television once talk about it as though it was a competition, almost a battle, between her as yet unborn daughter and herself, but I never thought of it that way. To me it just makes you closer. And now I will step off of my own soapbox.