Lonely Womb

I have several friends who are currently pregnant and I've been reading the blog of another pregnant couple whom I don't actually know. I loaded up my maternity clothes to loan to one of my friends and this has somehow triggered another round of delusional nostalgia. That is to say, I'm suddenly having fond memories of being pregnant and wishing I were so again. What the heck?!? How twisted is that?!?

For those who don't know or don't remember: I did not like being pregnant. In fact, I don't think it would be much of a stretch to say that I hated it. The only thing I liked was feeling the baby move. And, of course, the fact that Lila was the result. But every other part of it sucked! I was emotional (even more so than usual), uncomfortable, I couldn't sleep, and I had to pee all the time!

For some reason, however, I'm being flodded with memories of gazing lovingly at my growing belly, seeing that new little person on the ultrasound for the first time, and all the attention I got. I find this extremely disturbing. I'm not sure I really did gaze lovingly at my growing belly - I think my brain made that part up!

I do remember the day I got out a mirror so that I could get a good look at the stretch marks on the lower half of my abdomen (which i hadn't been able to see in months). Doug, upon hearing my cry of horror, came into the room and was greeted with, "Why didn't anyone tell me?!?" He, very wisely, took the mirror away from me and told me not to do that again.

Anyway, I would like to offer a most humble apology to those of you lovely ladies who shared such glowing memories of your past pregnancies with me while I was carrying Lila. I'm sorry that I thought you were mentally unstable and secretly cursed you for trying to brainwash me into believing that I was not being punished by God.

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