Back to Normal

Whew! With Doug being gone for the past two weeks, I couldn't even think about updating my blog. That uses more brain power than I had at the end of each day! But now he is back and all is well at the Peeler House.

I'm very (very) excited to announce that the kids and I will all be going to BSF next year. I signed us up a couple of weeks ago and I can't wait for September! I love BSF for my own spiritual growth and I remember Lila learning so much the one year that she was in it before. Now, for one year only, we will all three be able to go to the same class and we'll all be studying the book of Isaiah!

The daytime women's classes have kids' classes for 2-year-olds through Kindergarten. Once Lila hits 6 years old, I'll have to beg Doug or Irene to go to an evening class because that's where they have classes for school-aged kids... Meh. I'll deal with that when the time comes!

I keep thinking this weekend is over, but it's not. We'll have Doug home with us tomorrow too! He and Lila are planning to paint the playroom. They bought the paint today and it's a color somewhere between burnt orange and brick red. I'll take photos.

No More Little Peelers

For those who haven't heard, we have officially decided that we are done with having children. It was, for me at least, a difficult decision. I mean, when I'm pregnant and right after my babies are born, I'm certain that I never want to go through that again. (and i question why the heck i went through it the first time!) After several months, however, the amnesia sets in and I start thinking longingly of pregnancy. [shudder]

This last time that I started to feel that way, I took it to God for an answer. I fully expected Him to tell me it was time to pop out another hit, but I was in for a surprise. The clear message was that we should have no more children. I couldn't figure why He would give me that answer, so I kep questioning Him and myself. (Is that reeeaaally what He said? . . . Yeah, it really was.)

Then I had an amazing time of communion with God during a church service where He spoke clearly to me on a few different topics, one of them being this one. The message (given by the Always Inspiring Ted Beasley) was on quitting - when you should, when you shouldn't, and stop complaining either way. He mentioned that one time when it's appropriate to quit an endeavor is when the end result does not justify the pain caused in the process.

And then it hit me: This was why God didn't want me to have any more children. Lila and Eli are well worth the pain that the pregnancies and depression caused. But God does not want me (us) to willingly, knowingly engage in that kind of difficulty again. It's not just my own pain that must be considered (that i can more easily overlook). There is also pain for Doug and those members of my family and friends who are so sacrificial and helpful during difficult times. And if we had another child, this time Lila would be old enough to really be impacted by my depression.

It was both a humbling and a warm feeling. Humbling to think that so much pain could be caused by my actions (getting pregnant, i mean - i know that i can't control the depression 'cause BOY have i tried). And it made me feel warm and loved to know that God cares for us and does not desire pain for us. I have two amazing children and my responsibility now is to raise them and teach them to love God and and pursue their passions.

At the same time, it was a difficult decision for me to accept. Part of me felt as though I were rejecting a child and telling him/her that they weren't worth it. I had to remind myself that I was not rejecting a child, I was just choosing not to create a child. It's a subtle, but profound, difference that's difficult to explain.

And now I'm at peace with that decision and Doug and I are trying to decide which one of us is getting "fixed".

Delinquent

Boy, I'm having a really hard time keeping up with this blog. I get backed up on email and I do most of my updating through Facebook. I need to put forth more effort, however, because not everyone who checks this blog is on Facebook! (hmm... heard all this before?) Plus, this blog is better than any baby book (and i don't even HAVE a baby book for Eli) (well, not one that i have ever actually kept up with).

I have a feeling that Christmas is going to sneak up on me this year. I mean, Halloween was gone for a week before I fully realized that it's November. Now I've got myself booked up on the weekends for the rest of the month. I keep wanting to start my Christmas shopping and then thinking it's too early. I think maybe I should go ahead and do it after all or I'll find myself suddenly out of time!

I don't even remember if I have posted since I started doing The Lord's Table, but it's going really well. I have lost a little weight and I'm really delighting in God in ways that I haven't in a long time. And I don't spend all of my time thinking about food anymore! This is an ongoing process and I'll have to be vigilant to keep my old habits from creeping back in, but I'm experiencing sweet freedom!

Sleeeepy

I'm tired this evening, but I don't think it's physical fatigue. I think I just need a break from people. Specifically, I need a break from people who don't come up to at least my shoulders. My children are an unbelievable blessing, but I need a break! I am so excited that Eli is weaned so that I can get away for a while! Sometime in the next few weeks, I will be leaving the house on Friday evening and not returning until Sunday evening and NO ONE is coming with me! Haha!

So, I got hooked on the show 'Lark Rise to Candleford' just as the season was ending and I can't wait for it to start back up! They've been showing reruns in its time slot, but only periodically. It's on PBS and this week it was bumped for some pledge drive programming. My other show is LOST and that one doesn't start until January! Oh, the agony! :o)~

We are still enjoying Gateway South Campus. The music is just great! Once a month, they do Gateway Unplugged, which is basically little church services in people's homes. We went to one last month and enjoyed it. I was hoping to go again this month and start having some second conversations with people, but we were out of town and didn't get home in time. Oh well, next month...

I need to go spend some time with God now, before I "forget".

The Real Me is Back!

Hey, look at me! I'm updating my blog regularly again! (AND i'm voluntarily making phone calls? hmm... definitely suspicious.)

[sigh] Charlie is wearing me out. He has an attitude about the new house and is taking it out on us by going potty on the carpet! Grr! I suppose he doesn't like having to haul his chunky, 10-year-old butt up the stairs every time he needs to go. He also can't slip through the bars of the stair rail like Cordy can, so he gets trapped by the baby gates. He's just about to earn himself a trip to the vet to make sure nothing is wrong and get advice on breaking him of this nasty habit! Cat Head.

I finally got a good night's sleep last night! I think my problems falling asleep have been caused, or at least aggravated, by not getting any exercise. I went to the gym yesterday and worked my body hard. It felt great! Now that I've gotten us back in a bit of a routine and life isn't so nuts, I should be able to get to the gym two or three days per week again. Hopefully that will continue to help.

Of course, nothing helps my emotional and mental stability like prayer, so I need to make sure I don't let my time with God fall to the side now that life is on an even keel again. I wander most when things are going well. Short attention span and all.

Yesterday's Title Confused People

We've been getting involved in the Gateway South campus over the past couple of weeks and it's so exciting! I find it ever so much easier to feel comfortable and connected in a smaller setting. And being in a theater (junior high auditorium) with music that is far too loud felt like the Gateway of old. There was a tangible sense of comaraderie among the volunteers as people started tearing down and packing up after the service. I'm really looking forward to becoming a part of this little family.

Oh, goodness, I did something stupid yesterday. I left my coffee mug where Eli could reach it. Thankfully, the coffee in it was cold by the time he found it, but the carpet still suffered. As soon as I heard the sound of the mug scraping across the coaster, I started jumping up and diving toward him, but Eli still managed to spill a lovely arc of coffee across the floor. [sigh] Good thing the carpet is already light brown.

I wonder if I'll be able to go to BSF this year. Lila is still young enough to be in the kids class, which I am very happy about. She learned so much the year that she was in it! Eli, however, is still too young, so I'll need to find some sort of child care for him. I suppose I'd better start looking now because I think classes start at the beginning of September...

Confused

I'm sitting in the living room right now, listening to Eli cry. He woke up about 15 minutes ago and is refusing to go back to sleep. I'm guessing that I'll wait about four more minutes and then try feeding him. Hopefully that will settle him down and he'll sleep. I'm glad I decided to stay up late tonight because if I had gone to bed at the same time as Doug, then I would have been awakened after only 30 minutes of sleep. That is far more painful than not getting to go to sleep in the first place.

I'm feeling rather confused this evening over a big decision that I just had to make. I started reading a book recently called 'Just Courage' by Gary Haugen (i think that's the author's name - the book is in the room with my sleeping husband). [pause while i follow through on plans to feed baby and put him back to bed. seems to have been a success.] Anyway, this book is about following God's call to fight against injustice in the world.

I chose this book to read almost at random, but it has turned out to be quite challenging. In fact, it's the first thing I've read in a long time that challenged me to the point of making me uncomfortable. It started me really thinking about how comfortable I am in my little 'Christian cul-de-sac' and got me thinking about mission trips more seriously than I have before. Just after this seed was planted in my heart, I heard about a mission trip that my brother-in-law, Keith, is leading to Uganda in May.

Well, Eli has woken back up and started crying again, so I'll make this the short version. First I was excited about it and willing to do whatever I needed to make the trip work. I talked to Doug and he was generally on board. I got more details and it looked a little more daunting, but after some discussions it seemed like it still might be a good fit. I prayed and thought about the decision a lot and was feeling pretty confident that this was the direction God was leading.

I got Doug's input on the idea again and then suddenly (though not because of anything he said, i don't think) started getting very upset at the thought of leaving my kids - especially the baby - for so long (the trip is 2.5 weeks). I then went through a brief but intense internal battle where I felt like God was leading clearly in one direction, but my emotions were trying to take me in another. After more prayer and wrestling, and a couple of helpful conversations with other moms, I started to have some peace and excitement over the idea again.

And now it has basically fallen through due to logistical difficulties. If I had an extra month to research and plan before I made a final decision, then I might be able to do it, but there's just not enough time. So, what was that all about? Was it a test of willingness? I am happy to say that, though there was some resistance, God did find a heart that is willing to follow wherever He leads. Was this preparation for another, upcoming opportunity?

It is confusing for obvious reasons and leaves me feeling slightly insecure because I feel like I fought this major spiritual battle against my flesh and overcame it by the power of God... but for nothing. Now I know that's not true because nothing is for nothing. But I can't see clearly what it was for. Hmm... I think I'm starting to talk in circles now. And Eli is still crying, so I'd better go. Just thought I'd take the time to finally post something real. :)

A New Clarity

Something amazing happened to me at the gym today. I was laboring away on the elliptical machine and people-watching when I suddenly saw the people I'd been looking at. And what I saw amazed me! They were beautiful. All of them! They were youthful, wrinkled, overweight, lean and toned, energetic, careworn... and breathtaking.

True, there were still a handful of people that I had a hard time finding the beauty in. I was making assumptions about their character based on characteristics they shared with people I'd known in my past. The woman whose posture told me that she was emotionally withdrawn, even from those closest to her. The man whose eyes told me that he was a talker, the constant flow of words a habit developed over a lifetime to keep at bay the questions and thoughts that were lurking in moments of silence. The young lady whose apparent conviction that everyone was watching her bespoke a heart that had not yet learned to put others before itself.

But I forced myself to put aside those judgements and keep looking until I saw the beauty underneath. And it was there, in every person I saw.

Directly in front of me, there was a mother and daughter working out together on a pair of stationary bikes. The daughter was wearing a diamond engagement ring, which I gathered, based on the way she flashed it for her mother, was a recent addition. I was caught off guard by how their beauties were reflected, not only in their own faces, but in each other's face as well. Beauty multiplied by being near a loved one.

How long will this clarity last? How soon will I absentmindedly slip those lenses back on and start looking at people through the filter of my own past and biases again? Well, truth be told, it's happened already. (i'm remembering my thoughts as i watched someone approaching the door of my neighbor's house.)

I will pray most earnestly, however, that I may see the people around me as God does more and more often, until it is a part of who I am.

Difficulties of Life

Lila just started crying and said that Charlie had scratched her. Since I know that his aggression is rarely unprovoked, I asked her why he scratched her. That's a little more diplomatic than asking what she did to him. Anyway, she said, "I was trying to be kind to him, but I couldn't. I just wanted to be rude." Just to clarify, I asked her if that meant she was being rude to him and she said yes.

She tried to be kind but couldn't because she wanted to be rude.

That, my Love, is what we call 'battling the sin nature'. And it never ends.

Psalm 150

Psalm 150

Praise the Lord.

Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.
Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.
Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and lyre,
praise him with tambourine and dancing,
praise him with the strings and flute,
praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord.

The Most Beautiful Prayer

Shortly after I began doing the 60/60 Experiment, we had an idea to include Lila. We just explained that the watch beeps were to remind us to pray and then we'd pray out loud with her. It only took a couple of times for her to get the idea and then, whenever she'd hear the beep, she'd say, "Hey! We can pray!"

That lasted for a while and it got to be rather annoying, in a helpful way. I'd be oblivious to the beep or subconsciously putting off my moment of connection, when Lila would pipe up and I'd "have to" pray. Eventually, she started to lose interest, but we'd keep doing it. Sometimes she'd participate, and other times I think she might have been trying to block out my presence.

Well, every moment of this experiment was made worthwhile this morning. (not that i haven't seen God working in other ways as well, but this was enough even if i hadn't)

I was in our playroom/classroom, cleaning up before preschool, and didn't even have my watch on. I heard it beep from another room and only vaguely registered the sound. A few seconds later, Lila appeared beside me and said, "Let's pray to God!"

She got down on her knees next to me, folded her hands, bowed her head, closed her eyes (none of which we make her do when praying), and said,

"Hmm... Let's see... Thank you for school coming this week and please help me be kind and gentle to my friends. Amen."

She has been listening and she has been learning. Lila has offered her thanks to God before, but she has never asked for help on her own. What I am doing does make a difference and it fills my heart to know that God is using this experiment to make me a better godly example for my daughter.

Praise God for this beautiful child and all that He continues to teach me through her!

What a cutie!

I took Lila yesterday morning to have some "Spring Portraits" done and they turned out wonderfully! These two scans are really not great, but you'll get the idea. The dress she's wearing is her Easter dress, which we successfully got no photos of her wearing on Easter weekend. Well, that's not entirely true. She is wearing it in several pictures, but she also has a long sweater on over it. Effectively, no photos.

Lila and I went to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) this morning and it was great, as usual. We did find out, however, that the Teaching Leader for our class will not be with us next year. So sad! I'm sure that next year's teacher will be good as well, but I'm sad to lose Renee because I love her lectures.

Next week, we are preregistering for next year's BSF class and I'm signing up in faith that I will find some way to make it work. They don't have childcare for little ones - only classes for kids 2 years and up. That means I'll have to find either a babysitter or daycare center for Eli on Wednesday mornings. It will be a challenege, but it's worth it for Lila and I both!

Lots to say for a change

I come armed with four new stories today, so this could be a bit long.

#1: I mentioned before that our friends, Chip and Sara, had a baby last week. On Saturday, we went to bring them a meal and meet little Jace. I held him for a little while and Lila just kept going on and on about how little he was. "He's so little!" "He's tiny!" "He's itty bitty!" My favorite was, "He's got itty bitty toesies!"

Then Lila announced that she wanted to hold Jace. We got her up on the couch and I put him in her lap (with a little support for his head). It was painfully cute because she was being so sweet with him. She rubbed on his little belly and patted him and kept talking about how little he was. Since then she has been talking about how she's going to hold "her" baby like she did Baby Jace.

#2: Every day, Lila and I have what I call 'Bible Time'. I read a little devotional to her from a preschool devotional book I have and then I read a bit from the Bible. Each day's devotion is about a particular subject. A couple of days ago, the topic was 'comfort'. I said to Lila, "Did you know that Jesus is always with you to comfort you when you are hurt?"

She respoded with, "Yeah! [something something] Jesus helped me puke! [something something] And Jesus helped Mommy and Daddy puke!" Okay, yes, it was very funny to hear a 2-year-old saying that Jesus helped her puke, but the understanding behind this answer just blew me away! She understood that Jesus was there to help her when she was sick.

And she was also able to transfer that understanding to knowing that Jesus helped Mommy and Daddy when we were sick too. And in her little mind, the puking might have been Jesus' way of helping her feel better because I'm sure her tummy felt a lot better after she was done! She was also able to answer both of the 'comprehension questions' that I asked her after we read the accompanying story!

#3: I have this habit of kicking people in my sleep. Right after Doug and I got married, I woke us both up a couple of times by kicking him. We are pretty sure that I still do it, but we just sleep through it. Today, Lila and I were both taking a nap (in our own respective beds) and I was having this strange dream that was no doubt reflecting my anxiety over Doug's upcoming two-week trip to Asia.

In the dream, Doug told me that he was leaving later that afternoon to go to Houston on business for a couple of days. I was upset because he had left me no time to find someone to come stay with me. Then I come home and find that he's given our house key to a Chinese coworker who was in town for a few days - without telling me. I was completely ticked off and waiting for him to come home so I could gripe at him.

He finally did come home (we're still in the dream here) and apparently there was another person there, who might have been some representation of one of my brothers. This guy decided it would be funny to put a cold carton of milk against my back. When he did, I turned on him and started trying to strangle him, literally. I was fighting to get my hands around his neck and I think Doug was trying to stop me.

I'm guessing that hew as behind me, trying to pull me away and I was trying to kick him and strangle the other guy at the same time. Anyway, what happened in real life was that I actually did kick my leg out behind me and made contact with my poor, sleeping cat. It woke me up and I felt so bad, but I couldn't help laughing too. Poor Charlie! All he knew was that we were peacefully napping together and then I hauled off and kicked him! It didn't offend him enough to make him leave though.

#4: I was sitting at the computer a while ago and Lila came up next to me. She was holding my hands and looking up at me and I looked back down at her. She just stared at me for a minute and then said, "I really like you." I almost died it was so sweet!

A Milestone

This is my 1000th post! Wow! I feel that it should be really memorable or something. I did change the look of things, as I like to do occasionally. You're lucky I don't have more time on my hands or I might change it weekly! I seriously need to take the time to back-up all these old posts. This is better than any baby book and I would be in big trouble if Blogger ever crashed (or something) and ate my archives.

Physically, I am doing much better than I was a few weeks ago. The nausea is minimal and manageable and my allergies haven't been as bad lately either. I think I'm supposed to have more energy now, but I'm still pretty tired. Mentally and emotionally, there's a lot going on inside this wacky old head of mine! Moving to a new house and getting pregnant a month later is a pretty powerful combination!

Baby Peeler 2.0 is doing fine, so far as I know. It should be just over 1.5 inches long, which is roughly the size of a fig. That comparison means nothing to me, however, as I don't think I've ever met a fig. Apparently the baby is almost fully formed and moving now too. He/she even has tooth buds under the gums and the bones are beginning to harden! Crazy, man, crazy...

Doug is feeling the stress of things too. He has been very gracious since we found out that my getting up at all early contributed to feeling ill. He has been allowing me to sleep until 8:30, so he's not getting into work until 9 or 9:30. There have been nights when he had to work more after Lila went to bed because he is behind. I'll be getting up earlier again next week - pray that it goes well!

Lila is as cute and crazy as ever. She has made the transition to sleeping in a Big Girl Bed and it happened more quickly and smoothly than I ever would have hoped! Of course, the past couple of nights, she's been insisting on sleeping in the floor... that's where the 'crazy' part comes in. And she is completely obsessed with the Peanuts Halloween special. She's been talking about it endlessly for days!

Our families are as well as ever, except for Grandad Dorsey. He has begun chemotherapy treatments for lung cancer and somehow managed to get shingles at the same time! He's having a hard time kicking the pain of the shingles, which is making it harder for his system to handle the chemo as well. All around, not a good situation. My mom and aunt are taking it in turns to stay with him.

I haven't seen much of my friends lately. I have been so tired, physically and mentally, that I've been neglecting... pretty much everyone. I will be taking a trip to Fredericksburg this Saturday with a few of my good friends (and some of their sisters/mothers/etc.). That should be fun and, hopefully, refreshing. Meanwhile, everyone we know seems to be cranking out babies!

I recently realized that I've been trying to avoid God (emotionally, if nothing else), roughly since we moved. I'm working on identifying and processing the reasons for that, but just realizing it has made a huge difference. How often I forget that God is the source of my strength! the source of my rest! the source of my joy! the source of my life! I'm so thankful that He never leaves me, even when I run from Him.

Hurley is doing well, now that we've adjusted the a/c-heat settings. Since the nights have gotten cooler, we've discovered that our bedroom is the coolest one in the house. If the heater is set at 72, then our bedroom temperature will be 68. Hurley was really not appreciating the cold and had become rather sluggish. We bumped the thermostat up to 74 a couple of nights ago, which is more to his liking.

The kitties... [sigh] ... where to begin? They are quite well - don't get me wrong. They are just such cats! Charlie is not happy unless I am laying in one place, preferably petting him. Cordy is not happy unless Doug is giving her all of his attention and scratching her belly. Pesky little dictators. It's a good thing we're so crazy about them!

There you go - a long post with lots of photos. That seems memorable enough to celebrate 1000! :)

I have a headache right now that has me feeling much like Cordy looks in this photo. I think it would be helped greatly by laying down and closing my eyes for 10 minutes, which I plan on doing as soon as I am through here. Lila is watching a video, so I should be able to grab 10 minutes' worth of uninterrupted relaxation. [i hope!] Since I don't feel much like thinking, I will give you my final bit of journaling from the women's retreat. These were my notes from the session on Grace...

C.S. Lewis - What's unique about Christianity? Grace. Ephesians 2 - No one is seeking God, etc. Apart from Jesus, we are children of the devil. We all, by nature, are children of wrath. 2:4 -> BUT. God rescues us from the domain of darkness. Sometimes being saved by God is painful, but we are thankful now. God has so much to offer. Paul was not looking for God; God was looking for Paul. Grace looks like God coming after us. We are God's poem - his expression of Himself. God loved us in spite of us. God loves humility. God wanted to rescue us in such a way that only He would get the glory. That is why it is so grievous to the Lord when Christians are arrogant.

Sometimes the church looks like a bunch of brats. All I have is Christ. God loves a heart that boasts in Him. Even the good works that we do are a gift from God. Love changes us. God has prepared good things for each of us. God gave us the 10 Commandments because He didn't want us to destroy ourselves. It is God-like to be a mom. When you do the very earthy things of everyday life, that is worship. We should be the most humble & loving people on the planet. We have been freed to help others be free. We need to be generous because the heart of God is generous.

Ew!

This is a photo of the disturbing-looking bruises I mentioned a few days ago. Don't worry - they don't hurt. The color has faded a little bit, but they are still pretty dark and highly noticeable. I have a bit of a complex now when I go out in public because I'm afraid people are going to think I'm abused or something. I have had a couple of folks behave rather awkwardly around me.

If that's not enough to gross you out, then let me tell you about the large, leprous-looking spot on my arm! Doug thinks it's a spider bite, which I really don't want to discuss. It started out as a very small red bump that iched like CRAZY. I generally try to keep myself from scratching insect bites (and other itchy things) because I know that only makes it worse. This was so bad, though, that I was scratching it in my sleep!

I'll spare you the details of how it evolved, but I now have a dime-sized, bumpy, weeping, red, raised area that is surrounded by a light red area the size, and roughly the shape, of a newborn's foot. The whole thing is tender and still itches now and then. I don't know at what point I should call my doctor's office, but I'm thinking it's going to be soon. Unless I see some improvement, of course.

Yuck!

On a much more holy note, here is another journal entry from the Women's Retreat. This was from the session on Beauty...

You being convinced you're beautiful is not going to change your life. The church has to stop being like the world. We are known by the most beautiful person in the universe. When you envy, you want to destroy. John Dunn - Holy Sonnet 14. If Jesus Christ doesn't enthrall me, I will never be free. We were created by Him, for Him, and He delights in you. Is Jesus enough for me? Is He enough no matter what I look like or what others think of me? Is He enough in the depth of my soul? Don't gaze upon yourself, but upon Jesus. I can't love well when I'm worrying about who's going to love me. [Note to self:] (I want to be ravished by Jesus.) [Note to you: ravish = to seize and carry away]

The Melting Pot

So, I really don't recommend going to a fondue restaurant with a toddler. Lila does great in normal restaurants, but this was very different. There was no room for her to be running around, there was a tempting vat of liquified food on the table that we wouldn't let her touch (without careful supervision), and we were there for a very long time. I don't know what I was thinking when I picked this place!

Still, we did have fun about half the time. When she was actively playing with cheese (see photo) or eating fruit, she was completely happy and well-behaved. The other half of the time... well, we did at least half a dozen time-outs and I almost cried at one point. Like I said, don't go to a fondue restaurant with a toddler. But do go to one by yourself because the food was wonderful!

The funniest thing: We got ready and left the house, drove about 1/3 of the way there, and Doug said, "Oops! We didn't put shoes on her!" What's this 'we' business? You put her in the car! Oh well, she's a baby, so she can get away with it. She did, at least, have socks on. After we left the restaurant, we took her to an indoor playground to run off some of that pent up energy (and chocolate fondue).

Okay, Women's Retreat time again. This was something that I felt God saying directly to me during one of my prayer times and then an explanation I wrote so I would remember it later...

"Be joyful, my child, for I have given you blessings beyond compare."

They are not beyond compare because they are better than everyone else's. They are beyond compare because they shouldn't be compared. They are my unique blessings.

Movie Review

So, the movie that I saw on Friday was Disturbia. I didn't dislike it, but I didn't like it either. It's categorized as a Thriller, but it really wasn't that thrilling. For most of the movie, it was more like a comedy (and parts of it really were quite funny). It did get kind of suspenseful toward the end, but relied more on dead and decaying bodies than on plot for the Creep Factor.

I actually think that the tag line - "Every killer lives next door to someone." - is more scary than the movie itself. I suppose part of the problem is that this was a teen movie and I am no longer a teen. If you want to watch a movie about murderous neighbors, go for The Burbs. It doesn't pretend to be anything other than a great comedy and it's still slightly creepy!

My conclusion: This movie doesn't suck, but I don't recommend it. Don't see it in the theater and only rent it if you have a coupon and very low expectations.

To change the subject entirely, here's more from my Women's Retreat weekend. These are my notes from the seminar on Courageous Parenting (they get a little sparse toward the end because we ran out of time and had to rush through the last topic)...

There is a battle going on in the world. The leading cause of death among teenagers is suicide. [Four] things we can do to help our kids fight this battle:

Courageous Blessing -> Ephesians 3:14-19 - This is something we can pray for our children. Encouragement helps our children not be led astray. [Note to self: Henry Cloud - look up.] Your kids need to know that wherever they are, they do not need to feel alone. Speak a blessing to them out loud. "Your name means _____, and I know you are going to live that out. I can't wait to see..." Bless them with some kind of identity. When they hear you talk to God about them, it builds them up. Try to be specific.

Courageous Training -> We need to help our kids discern truth from lie. World views are basically established by age 12. As you make decisions, you are teaching them to process issues. They have to hear our processing. Sometimes doing this helps you. Use commercials to learn culture's lies.

Courageous Correction -> Soft on the person, hard on the issue. "I understand how hard it is to wait your turn, but it's not acceptable to treat your brother that way. I know you can wait your turn." (Grace, truth, grace.) Thinking chair (new name for time out chair). As they get older, gain or lose privileges.

Courageous Protection -> Book of James - Everyone is being spiritually formed. We can't just trust ratings. We have to be on top of things! Be aware.

God has chosen me specifically to be the mentor for Lila.

Big Water

Lila and I went to play in the Big Water at The Domain again this week and I took my camera along this time. I got several great shots of her in varying degrees of soggyness. This photo is after I stripped her down, wrapped her in a blanket, and put her in the car. That's right. I forgot to bring a change of clothes again! To be fair (to myself), I wasn't entirely sure where we were going when we left the house.

The girl is a total nutjob. She has recently re-discovered her volume control and frequently cranks it up to mind-rattling levels. The closer it gets to bedtime, the more running and screaming there is. And she has developed a very maniacal sounding chuckle. This evening, I was in the living room when she came running and giggling through with her dress over her head, but still stuck on her wildly waving arms. Doug had been taking her clothes off for bathtime and she got away... She's crazy, I tell you. Crazy.

And now for "What I learned at the Women's Retreat, Part III." These are notes from the second session, on freedom...

Our needs: clothing, shelter, food - God will take care of them. We are convinced we don't need God. We fear becoming a Christ-follower because we don't want to give up our freedom. We have one thing we need to be free from -> sin. At the heart of sin is a spirit that says, "I am in charge."

The King doesn't become subject to the subject. God loves you more than you love yourself. The church speaks now of committing to Christ, but it used to speak of surrendering to Christ. ([Note to self] Speak of surrender in marriage vs. committment) Surrender conveys humility, committment conveys pride. Committment can be broken; surrender is done. If you want to gain your life, you've got to lose it. Romans 6 -> Why would you keep sinning? - That's not who you are anymore. 6:22 - What it is to be a Christ-follower -> free from sin. "Enslaved" doesn't sound like freedom to us. 6:23 - sin leads to death. You will either enslave yourself to sin or to a Good Master.

Romans 7 -> don't do what I want to do, etc. Sin sits on us like a decaying body. 7:25 - God delivers me through Jesus Christ. We don't have the power to forgive ourselves. Some of us are not letting God forgive us. Did you ever try to love someone who wouldn't receive love? Romans 8 -> 8:15 - you haven't received a spirit of slavery. We have received a Spirit of adoption. So enslave yourself to Him, that you might be free. You cannot repent if you won't receive forgiveness.

It's a rough life, being a Hedgie.

Hurley got his first real bath tonight. His cage had gotten really stinky last week and I thought it was his old bed, which definitely had a funk, so I tossed that and he's now sleeping in a tube (like a giant toilet paper roll). However, within a couple of days, his cage was a-stinkin' again. Now I'm guessing it's maybe the hedgie himself. He does (or did, rather) have doodie stuck to his feet and I'm sure his belly wasn't quite sterile.

So, into the sink he went this evening. It was not the highlight of his young life. In fact, he respectfully requested that I not ever do that to him again. Bad news for him is that I'm going to wait a week or so and do it again, but with pet shampoo. He's got very clean feets now, but he still smells kinda funny. That in no way detracts from his unstoppable cuteness though, as you can see in the photo.

Here's the second installment of "What I learned at the Women's Retreat"...

How would you define freedom?
Being able to choose for yourself the path that you take. Having an identity that is not dependant on other people.

List three things/circumstances/relationships/trials you would like to be free from today.
1. depression
2. insecurity/anger
3. money