10.7.07

My Letter to the World

This is Charlie speaking. Mom has no idea that I'm using her computer, but I must get my message out! The level of disobedience among my humans has reached a level of crisis. From the beginning of my relationship with The Woman, I have suffered innumerable little indignities. Claw trimming... being held like a baby... being spun on the hardwood floors... being forced to wait for my food... being scolded for attacking the monsters under the sheets...

I have an impossible time getting these people to just stay put. Besides the fact that they seem to have selective insomnia, they don't know how to stay in one room for more then a few minutes at a time. Mom is the worst - she can't even sit still in front of a movie! And don't get me started on how disruptive it is to my emotional well-being when they leave town. I don't know whether they'll be gone two days or two weeks!

As time goes on, their creative means of torture have escalated. Was it not bad enough that they brought home this other cat to be my "sister"? You know what she's good for? Nothing! She picks fights with me and then starts causing a scene when I fight back. And then I get squirted!

Then there's that Baby Thing. Whose idea was that anyway? I haven't liked it from the beginning and things only get worse as it ages. Instead of becoming more civilized and subdued, as any self-respecting cat would do, it just gets lounder and faster. I've heard the Big Ones tell her to use "gentle touches" at least 7,000 times, but I think that is a secret code for "scream really loud while you beat on his head!"

A couple of months ago, Mom brought home this little pointy thing that makes lots of huffing and puffing noises. I still haven't figured out what that is, so I'd rather not talk about it.

And now they are using words like 'moving' and 'new house.' Someone, please, come and rescue me from these sadistic villains!

2 comments:

Irene Peeler said...

Well written, Angela...ooops, I mean, Charlie!!!

from your Grammie Big One

Anonymous said...

poor charlie - he seems utterly tortured. -michele