Brr!!!

I am loving the cold weather we're finally having in Austin except for one thing. I'm tired all the time! I mean, more so than usual. I'm always a tired person with a disturbing ability to sleep, but I've been walking around feeling drugged for the past week. Still, that's just one complaint. The list of things I love about cold weather is much longer!

I didn't watch the whole game last night (Texas vs. Nebraska), but what I did watch was annoying. I can't believe we were nearly kept out of the championships by a team that's nowhere near us in the rankings! I thought for sure we were going to lose it. In fact, I'm not sure we should have won. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad that we won, but I'm not so confident in the way that we did it. Oh well, I'm sure I'll have forgotten by the time I'm watching us play in the Whatever Bowl!

Well, now there's been an hour delay while we ate dinner (Hawaiian Pork Ribs, avocado, and blackberries) and it's time for the kids to start heading for bed. Doug is the Putter-to-Bedder, but I also need to take a shower. I've just discovered how luxurious it feels to take a shower in the evening. I don't have to worry about anyone starting to cry or needing me while I'm bathing and I get to go straight into my jammies when I'm done! :)

No More Little Peelers

For those who haven't heard, we have officially decided that we are done with having children. It was, for me at least, a difficult decision. I mean, when I'm pregnant and right after my babies are born, I'm certain that I never want to go through that again. (and i question why the heck i went through it the first time!) After several months, however, the amnesia sets in and I start thinking longingly of pregnancy. [shudder]

This last time that I started to feel that way, I took it to God for an answer. I fully expected Him to tell me it was time to pop out another hit, but I was in for a surprise. The clear message was that we should have no more children. I couldn't figure why He would give me that answer, so I kep questioning Him and myself. (Is that reeeaaally what He said? . . . Yeah, it really was.)

Then I had an amazing time of communion with God during a church service where He spoke clearly to me on a few different topics, one of them being this one. The message (given by the Always Inspiring Ted Beasley) was on quitting - when you should, when you shouldn't, and stop complaining either way. He mentioned that one time when it's appropriate to quit an endeavor is when the end result does not justify the pain caused in the process.

And then it hit me: This was why God didn't want me to have any more children. Lila and Eli are well worth the pain that the pregnancies and depression caused. But God does not want me (us) to willingly, knowingly engage in that kind of difficulty again. It's not just my own pain that must be considered (that i can more easily overlook). There is also pain for Doug and those members of my family and friends who are so sacrificial and helpful during difficult times. And if we had another child, this time Lila would be old enough to really be impacted by my depression.

It was both a humbling and a warm feeling. Humbling to think that so much pain could be caused by my actions (getting pregnant, i mean - i know that i can't control the depression 'cause BOY have i tried). And it made me feel warm and loved to know that God cares for us and does not desire pain for us. I have two amazing children and my responsibility now is to raise them and teach them to love God and and pursue their passions.

At the same time, it was a difficult decision for me to accept. Part of me felt as though I were rejecting a child and telling him/her that they weren't worth it. I had to remind myself that I was not rejecting a child, I was just choosing not to create a child. It's a subtle, but profound, difference that's difficult to explain.

And now I'm at peace with that decision and Doug and I are trying to decide which one of us is getting "fixed".

Delinquent

Boy, I'm having a really hard time keeping up with this blog. I get backed up on email and I do most of my updating through Facebook. I need to put forth more effort, however, because not everyone who checks this blog is on Facebook! (hmm... heard all this before?) Plus, this blog is better than any baby book (and i don't even HAVE a baby book for Eli) (well, not one that i have ever actually kept up with).

I have a feeling that Christmas is going to sneak up on me this year. I mean, Halloween was gone for a week before I fully realized that it's November. Now I've got myself booked up on the weekends for the rest of the month. I keep wanting to start my Christmas shopping and then thinking it's too early. I think maybe I should go ahead and do it after all or I'll find myself suddenly out of time!

I don't even remember if I have posted since I started doing The Lord's Table, but it's going really well. I have lost a little weight and I'm really delighting in God in ways that I haven't in a long time. And I don't spend all of my time thinking about food anymore! This is an ongoing process and I'll have to be vigilant to keep my old habits from creeping back in, but I'm experiencing sweet freedom!

Shh... do you hear that? Neither do I!

I am all alone in the house this weekend. (hee hee) Daddy and Susan were supposed to come here to visit, but they had to cancel at the last minute. (hee hee) That was pretty disappointing, so we came up with some alternate plans. (hee hee) Doug took the kids and went to Dallas to visit Keith and his family. (hee hee) Doug gets to hang with his brother, the kids get to play with their cousins, and (hee hee) I get to be in my own house all by myself for the weekend! Wahoo!

At roughly the 24 hour mark, I started getting a bit bored, but that could be easily remedied. All I need to do is leave the house. I could go busy myself with errand running or a movie or hanging out with friends. At the moment, however, I'm enjoying the unprecedented levels of house cleaning productivity! I mean, I keep starting tasks... and being able to finish them without interruption! What is that?!?

I miss my kids a little bit, but I'm really enjoying the break from them. When you have two little people who are constantly needing something from you (even if it's only a hug), it just wears you down. Well, it wears ME down, anyway. So to have two days with no one asking me questions or crying, to be able to watch TV whenever and as loudly as I want, and to be able to sit down and eat an entire meal without getting up -- whew, that's life-giving, let me tell you! :)

The Three-Day Update

I started this post two days ago, but something happened while I was away from my computer and the window got closed. The photo had been saved, but the words I wrote were lost. Grr... I think I was typing something about needing some spiritual refreshing. And life refreshing. I mean, I need a little vacation from life so that I can remember how much I love everything about it!

It won't be next weekend because we have family coming to town, but maybe the one after that. I could leave for a weekend away, but that would cost money and it would cost a lot of money if I went as far from this heat as I'd like to. So what will probably happen is that Doug will take the kids and go visit his brother (or some other unsuspecting relative) for the weekend. I can hardly wait!

Well, I'm glad that I have become more consistent about updating this blog. I still don't post every day, which would be optimal, but I'll settle for every couple of days. There's only so much time that the kids will let me sit in front of this computer. And at night, when they are asleep, my brain is no longer fit to produce coherent sentences. Maybe when they are both grown up and out of the house I'll be able to post daily again... :o)~

Gladiators

I picked up a random movie last week from Redbox and it ended up being quite good! The movie is called 'Gladiator', it's from 1992, and it has nothing to do with the Romans. The main character is a guy who looks exactly like the Russian guy from Rocky IV. Oh yeah, and Cuba Gooding Jr. is in it too - came out the same year as 'A Few Good Men'. Anyway, it was unexpectedly good. (Angela rating: 7 out of 10)

Eli and Lila had routine check-ups yesterday. Lila was there for her 4 Year and Eli his 15 Month Check-Up. They both got immunizations, which involved a fair amount of drama. Eli cried, but that was expected. He cried, covered his head with his blanket, then got over it. Lila cried louder and longer. And she's still limping around today, claiming a sore leg. Otherwise, they both did a great job!

Sadly, the shots have left Eli sick today. He's got a fever and a bad case of Puny. It's just shy of noon and he's already on his second dose of Tylenol and his second nap. I was supposed to take Cookie and Charlie to the vet this afternoon, but I had to move that appointment to Thursday. We also won't be making it to the library. Oh well... Anyway, here are the kids' latest stats:

Lila
Weight: 32.4 lbs (25th percentile)
Height: 38.5 in. (25th percentile)
Body Mass Index: 50th Percentile

Eli
Weight: 22.0 lbs (20th percentile)
Height: 29.5 in. (10th percentile)
Head Circumference: 80th Percentile

Lila is 4 Years Old!

I really get tired of trying to come up with titles for my posts.

Doug has started doing The Master Cleanse now and is also having a hard time with it. My hard time had to do with cravings and then getting physically ill. His hard time has to do with feeling actual hunger. Doug is the type of person who can't go to sleep if he's hungry. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, and is awake long enough to start feeling hunger, he'll get up and eat a piece of bread. If I wake up and feel hungry, I roll over and go back to sleep. This is not fun for him and is leading to some crankiness, but I think the practice of self control will help him to grow. Nonetheless, please pray that his hunger will abate, so that he can enjoy this experience.

We watched a movie with The Houston Peelers this weekend called 'Night Train'. I had never heard of it before we watched it, but it had some big (or at least, recognizable) actors. It had an intriguing premise and a style reminiscent of movies from 50 years ago, but it didn't quite deliver. The violence was also a bit gratuitous. I think it was trying to be sort of comic, but it was mostly just gratuitous. I give it a 6 out of 10 rating.

Sleeeepy

I'm tired this evening, but I don't think it's physical fatigue. I think I just need a break from people. Specifically, I need a break from people who don't come up to at least my shoulders. My children are an unbelievable blessing, but I need a break! I am so excited that Eli is weaned so that I can get away for a while! Sometime in the next few weeks, I will be leaving the house on Friday evening and not returning until Sunday evening and NO ONE is coming with me! Haha!

So, I got hooked on the show 'Lark Rise to Candleford' just as the season was ending and I can't wait for it to start back up! They've been showing reruns in its time slot, but only periodically. It's on PBS and this week it was bumped for some pledge drive programming. My other show is LOST and that one doesn't start until January! Oh, the agony! :o)~

We are still enjoying Gateway South Campus. The music is just great! Once a month, they do Gateway Unplugged, which is basically little church services in people's homes. We went to one last month and enjoyed it. I was hoping to go again this month and start having some second conversations with people, but we were out of town and didn't get home in time. Oh well, next month...

I need to go spend some time with God now, before I "forget".

Brief

So, Doug is contemplating (really, nothing more than that at this point) getting back onto the music team at church. Now that we're at the south campus, there is a greater need for musicians and we like the style and feel of the music much more there. Even though it means I'll lose more of his time to song-learning and band practice, I think it would be great! I haven't seen rock 'n' roll Doug in a long time!

Was too distracted by my new kitten to post for a week...

Soo... is it Fall yet? I saw someone describe this year's weather as "inhumane". I think that's a very fitting description! I mean, seriously, 51 days of 100+ degree weather?!? And it's only August 10th, so you know there's more to come! It never fails. Every August, I find myself wondering why the heck we live in Austin. And then fall arrives and the weather cools down and things get green again and I remember. It's an awesome place to live... for 9 months out of the year.

In a topic having nothing to do with weather, Doug and I have decided to do The Master Cleanse, as described in the books The Master Cleanser, by Stanley Burroughs, and Lose Weight, Have More Energy & Be Happier in 10 Days, by Peter Glickman. It sounds and feels like total madness, but we have friends who have done it and recommend it. It also makes sense once you read the book. I'll keep you updated.

I think our house has gotten just about as unpacked and organized as it's going to get for a while. I was spending so much time focusing on unpacking that I was letting the clutter and laundry pile up behind me. I have now turned from unpacking and started in on more pressing matters, like laundry and vacuuming. (Have I already told you this?) As a matter of fact, I think I'm going to go vacuum the guest room as soon as I finish typing this. . . . Now I'm finished typing. . . . So I'm going. . . . Why are you still here?!?

For those who haven't heard, we had to have Hurley put to sleep yesterday. This photo is the last one taken, just before we left for the vet. :(

Giving up on finishing this update and just posting it as is...

Doug has been gone on a solitude retreat this weekend and he comes home today, sometime after lunch. I'll admit that I'm most looking forward to taking a nap, but I'll also be very glad to see him. I've been praying that he'd encounter God during his times of solitude and come home refreshed and recharged. Even if it was not an earthshaking event, I'm sure it was a nice time for him to pray and reflect.

Work is nearly done on our first house (not to be confused with the one we just moved out of and sold). The roof needs replacing and a few other odd things need to be done and then it can go on the market. I will be glad when it is sold, both for financial reasons and because that will be one file that I can remove from my active brain inbox and put in the archives.

August

Wow, today is the first day of August! Lila is beside herself because it is now her birthday month. And now we'll have an even more difficult time explaining to her that tomorrow is not her birthday. This has been going on for weeks now. She'll ask when her birthday is and we'll tell her that it's, for example, three weeks away. Then she'll ask, "Is it tomorrow?" Speaking of three weeks away, I need to reserve our place at Kiddie Acres...

Reading lessons with Lila are going very well. We're taking it slowly, making each lesson last two days, and she's keeping up just fine. She can read a few simple words now! And I finally found a trick to keeping her attention on the work. Between each task (we do five or six per day), I let her run around and go down the slide a few times. She gets her crazies out and then gets back down to business. Yippee!

Excuse me, but I have to go now. I think I just heard Lila go out the back door and Eli is sitting on the inside, screeching at her. It's not that I don't trust her, but--

Cute Kids in the Bathtub

No Title Today

I finally finished reading 'Dracula' today. I've read it before, but it's been years. I still like it, but I'd have to say that I enjoyed the first 60% more than I did the last 40%. The 'diary entries' became more like exact transcripts of long conversations. Anyway, still a good book. Now I've moved on to 'Life, the universe and everything' by Douglas Adams. It's utter silliness, naturally.

I'm oddly energetic tonight and feel like doing something. Nothing major, mind you. But I'm not in that stupor that usually accompanies the end of the day. I guess it helps that the kids and I had a pretty good day. As in, we weren't ready to throttle each other by the time Doug got home. And I successfully made a yummy dinner of Tilapia, Sauteed Bell Peppers, and Pumpernickel Bread.

Ha! I just remembered something. Back before we had kids, when Doug was working and I was at home all day (doing what?!? i can't believe i actually thought i was busy!), I would get up at 7 a.m. to have breakfast with Doug before he went to work. How sweet! Now I stay in bed until the last possible minute before I have to take over responsibility for the children. And even then I'm not really "awake".

The Real Me is Back!

Hey, look at me! I'm updating my blog regularly again! (AND i'm voluntarily making phone calls? hmm... definitely suspicious.)

[sigh] Charlie is wearing me out. He has an attitude about the new house and is taking it out on us by going potty on the carpet! Grr! I suppose he doesn't like having to haul his chunky, 10-year-old butt up the stairs every time he needs to go. He also can't slip through the bars of the stair rail like Cordy can, so he gets trapped by the baby gates. He's just about to earn himself a trip to the vet to make sure nothing is wrong and get advice on breaking him of this nasty habit! Cat Head.

I finally got a good night's sleep last night! I think my problems falling asleep have been caused, or at least aggravated, by not getting any exercise. I went to the gym yesterday and worked my body hard. It felt great! Now that I've gotten us back in a bit of a routine and life isn't so nuts, I should be able to get to the gym two or three days per week again. Hopefully that will continue to help.

Of course, nothing helps my emotional and mental stability like prayer, so I need to make sure I don't let my time with God fall to the side now that life is on an even keel again. I wander most when things are going well. Short attention span and all.

The Uncleaners Strike Again

My focus this week is on getting the play room unpacked, organized and cleaned up. As with all other rooms, I can only work on it for about 10 minutes at a time, but it's already going more quickly than I expected.

So, a little while ago, I went in and cleaned for a while as the kids played. I made a good dent in all the "stuff" that was littering the floor and felt quite proud of myself. I then came downstairs to take a break and left the kids upstairs. Lila, apparently, needed to vent some frustration.

I headed back upstairs a few minutes later and she met me at the top with: "I made a mess." [scowl scowl scowl] She then stomped off into my room, announced that she wanted to be alone, and shut the door. I explained to her that she could be alone, but not in my room and directed her toward her own bedroom. I then went to investigate the mess she claimed to have made.

Well, she wasn't kidding... She had totally trashed the play room. It looked worse than before I started! I calmly extracted her from her room and told her that she'd need to help me clean up the mess she'd made before she got to be alone. She put up surprisingly little resistance and we got the room back in order in about 10 minutes.

It's a wonder I get anything done around here!

This plant was mean to me. (stinging, itching, redness, bumps) Anyone know what it is?



UPDATE: It's a Stinging Nettle.

This post took me all day to finish.

I'm not the type to want to rush time, but I do wish that Fall would arrive. I think that Summer should only last one month - July - and an extra month should be added to both Spring and Fall. I love the cooler weather of Fall and the holidays and the decorating possibilities. Mostly, I love the cooler weather.

I wonder if we'll take any vacations this year. We had talked about taking the kids on a Disney cruise at the end of summer, but the end of summer is fast approaching and we haven't made any plans. Maybe that's how we'll celebrate after we finally sell the Forsythe house. I'd also love to hit the mountains of North Carolina again. We did that a couple of years ago and it was so beautiful!

I've been feeling a bit discouraged lately and I wonder how much of it is because I haven't taken much time to be alone. I am recharged by being by myself - preferably in a public place. I like to be surrounded by people, but not be expected to talk to any of them. I'll let you figure out what that means about me. I just get tired of people needing things from me by the end of the week. Ya' know?