12.5.10

Have I mentioned lately just how very crazy I am?

Warning: What follows in this post might convince you that I am a few bricks shy of a load (or whatever your favorite euphemism is). This is why I generally keep this kind of information to myself. Today, I decided to share with the world in the hope that someone else I know is as crazy as me!

This past week has slipped by far too quickly. Doug's business trip looms on the horizon and my level of anxiety continues to increase. As my anxiety increases, I become more forgetful, hence my going 9 days without a post (as well as any typos or grammatical errors that might be contained in this one. I also went several days without taking my medication. It was not intentional. I just plain forgot.

If you've never taken antidepressants, then you might not know that just forgetting to take them for several days is really not a good thing. For example, there are physical side effects. The first one to pop up for me is extreme dizziness, although that was not too bad this time. Then I begin to have mood swings. That is, I have them more often than usual and the swings are much more extreme. Then the really interesting things begin to happen.

I'm now at the point where little neuroses and symptoms of my illness start popping back up. ** These are things that I might not have even noticed were absent... until they came back. For example, my fear of having a psychotic break is coming back. (i could write an entire post on that one! i just did a web search to see if there's a name for that particular phobia and just reading the links that came up freaked me out!)

There's also my obsessive (or is it compulsive?) checking. Best example: I set the alarm before I go upstairs to bed every night. The alarm pad is in the laundry room. The cats like to explore the laundry room and I have this fear of accidentally locking one of them in there overnight. So, on a normal night, I go into the laundry room and set the alarm, do a quick kitty check, close the door and go on to bed.

On a "crazy night", I can't seem to convince myself that there's no cat in there. I look carefully in the room, then I look for all of the cats out of the room. Sometimes, even when the door to the laundry room is shut and I can see all three cats in front of me, I still feel uneasy and have to make myself walk away and go to bed.

This afternoon, I took the cake (i alluded to this on Facebook) by having an anxiety attack over having someone else touch the laundry. Doug had done a load of laundry while I was gone in the morning and I came home to find him folding it. This, in itself, was wonderful! And it would have been nothing but wonderful if he had gone ahead and put the clothes away too.

What happened, however, was that he left the clothes on the couch and went to get some work done while I could watch the kids. I went to finish the job and I just froze. The stacks were not lined up correctly and there were mixed items in some of the stacks and the towels weren't folded just the way that I do it and and and... I literally had to walk away and calm down because my heart was starting to race and I couldn't think straight.

I was finally able to deal by going over there and moving things into the appropriate stacks and re-folding the towels. I did this a few minutes at a time because I would quickly begin feeling overwhelmed.

Wow. No wonder I don't usually share these kinds of things with people. :o)~

**Note (for those of you who are concerned) - I have taken my medication for the past two days and will continue to do so. It just takes awhile for it to get fully back into my system. In the meantime, I get to view myself as a lab specimen.

3 comments:

john & ellen said...

this post reminds me of a brilliant book title, "everybody's normal till you get to know them". :-) i like you!

Julie said...

We all have our issues. You're lucky there's a medication for yours! :)

Michele said...

I agree with John, Ellen, and Julie. :0) All my friends are weird so your stuff doesn't seem out of the ordinary. I don't notice all my weird little things until people point them out and then I wonder what in the world am I doing. Glad you have your meds and are taking them. And I don't think you are that crazy. Hope you have a great week.