No More Little Peelers

For those who haven't heard, we have officially decided that we are done with having children. It was, for me at least, a difficult decision. I mean, when I'm pregnant and right after my babies are born, I'm certain that I never want to go through that again. (and i question why the heck i went through it the first time!) After several months, however, the amnesia sets in and I start thinking longingly of pregnancy. [shudder]

This last time that I started to feel that way, I took it to God for an answer. I fully expected Him to tell me it was time to pop out another hit, but I was in for a surprise. The clear message was that we should have no more children. I couldn't figure why He would give me that answer, so I kep questioning Him and myself. (Is that reeeaaally what He said? . . . Yeah, it really was.)

Then I had an amazing time of communion with God during a church service where He spoke clearly to me on a few different topics, one of them being this one. The message (given by the Always Inspiring Ted Beasley) was on quitting - when you should, when you shouldn't, and stop complaining either way. He mentioned that one time when it's appropriate to quit an endeavor is when the end result does not justify the pain caused in the process.

And then it hit me: This was why God didn't want me to have any more children. Lila and Eli are well worth the pain that the pregnancies and depression caused. But God does not want me (us) to willingly, knowingly engage in that kind of difficulty again. It's not just my own pain that must be considered (that i can more easily overlook). There is also pain for Doug and those members of my family and friends who are so sacrificial and helpful during difficult times. And if we had another child, this time Lila would be old enough to really be impacted by my depression.

It was both a humbling and a warm feeling. Humbling to think that so much pain could be caused by my actions (getting pregnant, i mean - i know that i can't control the depression 'cause BOY have i tried). And it made me feel warm and loved to know that God cares for us and does not desire pain for us. I have two amazing children and my responsibility now is to raise them and teach them to love God and and pursue their passions.

At the same time, it was a difficult decision for me to accept. Part of me felt as though I were rejecting a child and telling him/her that they weren't worth it. I had to remind myself that I was not rejecting a child, I was just choosing not to create a child. It's a subtle, but profound, difference that's difficult to explain.

And now I'm at peace with that decision and Doug and I are trying to decide which one of us is getting "fixed".

Only missing the middle now

I'm pleased to announce that, as of this morning, our baby actually has a first name! The middle name is still open for debate, but he will be Eli _________ Peeler. At last! I can stop referring to him as The Boy! (Though I have grown rather fond of that nickname.) I was beginning to think we would still be debating names in the delivery room!

I'm also beginning to think that I'm going to be retired before I can finish typing out this post. My desk is right next to my bed and Lila has recently taken to getting up on the bed and chattering/making constant requests while I'm trying to do anything on the computer. If only she could understand that I would be done in half the time if she weren't distracting me...

She has also just made the discovery that there's no one to stop her from disobeying when she's alone in a room. This week has been filled with things like drawing on her arms, scooping food onto the table, writing with pens on inappropriate surfaces, pulling books off of shelves, and generally playing with things that she knows she is not supposed to touch. I've been trying to teach her that she needs to make good choices even when no one is around. And to myself I say, "Yeah. Good luck with that."

Fizzing Whizbees

As of Saturday, I'm 27 weeks pregnant. Only 84 days to go! The Boy is really starting to get big. That means I'm really starting to feel pregnant. He weighs almost two pounds - that's about the size of a head of cauliflower - and he's about 14.5 inches with his legs extended. Unless he's larger or smaller, which is always possible. He supposedly sleeps and wakes at regular intervals now.

So, I was in the bathroom this morning, fixing my hair, and the house was relatively quiet. As I stood there, I became aware of a little fizzing noise. I started tracking it down and had settled on Doug's toothbrush when the noise stopped. I found it slightly alarming that Doug's toothbrush was making spontaneous fizzing noises, but what can you do?!?

Well, thankfully, I found out this afternoon that I was wrong about the source. After my shower, I was in much the same situation and heard the noise again. This time it lasted long enough for me to track it down and verify the source. It was coming from the battery pack that was hanging out of a rooster-shaped paper lantern on the counter. Still slightly alarming, but at least the toothbrush isn't possessed!

Stretchy Pants

The Boy now weighs about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14 inches. That measurement, from head to heel, is about the length of an English hothouse cucumber. That is different than your average cucumber, which is shorter. His weight will more than triple between now and birth as he rapidly puts on baby fat. I'm curious to find out whether he'll be on the small end of average, like his sister, or ginormous, like his father was at birth.

He's slightly perturbed with me today because I'm wearing maternity jeans with a thick elastic band around the waist. It's not all that tight, but apparently it's tight enough for him to feel it. He keeps squirming and kicking at it. I seem to remember Lila doing the same thing when I wore some shorts with a similar waist band. Sorry, son, but occasionally I've got to wear something besides Stretchy Pants.

Lila just woke up from her nap and she's knocking on the inside of her bedroom door. This is something she's started doing recently and I don't get it. She just feels the need to knock sometimes. If you ignore her, she'll come out on her own. It is fun to go and knock back to see what happens though. She'll either keep knocking and you can play a little game or she'll open the door to see who's there.

Please don't meet the Spartans.

So, Friday was my Monthly Mystery Movie Night. Same old thing - I went to the theater, got a ticket to the latest show (before 11 p.m.), and went into it with no idea what to expect. This month was a total bust. The movie, which I had never even heard of, was 'Meet the Spartans'. It was a spoof of '300' and it was just... stupid. And not in a funny way.

I sometimes appreciate stupid humor. I saw 'Balls of Fury' and thought it was hilarious! Extremely juvenile, but hilarious. I got so disgusted with this movie that I left after less than half an hour. I wanted to leave after five minutes, but I made myself stick around to see if it got any better. I did pay $8.75 to see it, after all. Ugh! I had much more fun watching 'Groundhog Day' with Doug on Saturday!

On a more pleasant note, The Boy is up to about 13.5 inches now, head to heel. He was using some of those inches to try and push his way out through my side yesterday, but it didn't work. He weighs a pound and a half. So much bigger than the speck he started out as, but still so bitty! If you'd like a food to compare his weight to this week, try a rutabaga. A long, lean rutabaga. Or a baby.

I don't talk about much besides my kids, do I?

While Doug was in the shower this morning, Lila woke me up by crawling into bed and trying to stick a pacifier in my mouth. That was a unique experience...

A little while after that, I had her on the bed with me and was "eating her belly". Through her hysterical laughter, she said, "No, I'm not tasty! I'm spicy!" And then, "Put my shirt down. I'm too spicy!" It was hilarious!

The Boy is growing steadily in there. I find it ironic that he weighs about 1.25 lbs, but I have gained more than 20! How is that fair? He's almost a foot long, which is about the length of an ear of corn (before it's peeled and cut, i'm thinking). If we could see him right now, he'd look pretty lean, but he'll start filling out fast over the next few weeks.

We still haven't picked out a name, hence my references to 'The Boy'. Lila is sticking with her opinion that we should just name him Boy... and that may be what happens if Doug and I can't agree on something soon! I could give you a list of the names that one of us has suggested and the other has rejected, but what's the point in that, really?

We all need a massage.

Another seven days has passed and now I'm 23 weeks pregnant. For the record, I'm still not sure on some days that I'm ready to have another child. Nonetheless, there is a baby boy in there who is 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound. That is, apparently, as much as a large mango weighs, but I'm pretty sure that he doesn't look like a mango.

They say that The Boy can feel my movements now and encourage dancing around. At the moment, I just feel like taking a nap, but thanks for the suggestion. Apparently, the baby's skin is transparent and reddish. That sounds rather odd to me. As long as he's pink when he comes out, then it's fine. Or he could be a kitty when he comes out. Blood vessels in his lungs are developing to prepare him for breathing, but his lungs won't be fully developed for many more months. So keep cookin', Kid!

Hehehe... Lila just crawled up into our massage chair and is pushing buttons on the remote, trying to turn it on. The funny part is that she doesn't want to lean back and have the massagers touch her. She wants to turn on the heat so that the massagers turn red, and then watch them move around under the fabric. Sometimes Cordy gets up in the chair, which I can only assume means that she wants a massage. However, she always leaves as soon as I turn it on. Odd.

Free at last...

I think it is finally gone. No one has had diarrhea or vomiting for over 24 hours now. I'm tempted to go around and coat the house in Lysol again, just for good measure. Whew! and Praise God! I can't believe that tomorrow is already Saturday again. I mean, wasn't it just Sunday? Oh, no no, that was a couple dozen vomits ago. My mistake. Okay, and I'll try not to use the words diarrhea or vomit, or any of their synonyms, for a long time.

I have fantastic news about Cordelia. She has finally learned a valuable lesson that we've been trying to teach her for roughly five years now. If you want attention, then you should come and get it. Pouting, in another room, in the dark, does not get you what you want. What you see in this photo is Cordy consenting to lay in Doug's lap and get scratches, rather than insisting that he follow her to her favorite spot in the floor. This is a big breakthrough for Cordy and we're quite proud of her.

I bought a cute little onesie for The Boy today. It has teddy bears on it and says, "One of a kind." I used to think that boys clothes were boring, but now that I'm shopping for them I find them to be excessively cute. I guess the beauty grows when you're contemplating what's going to be inside those clothes. And speaking of boys, it seems like everyone I know is having a one! I can think of one friend who just had a son and at least three people, including myself, who are pregnant with them. Obviously it's got something to do with the moon. Or the drugs in our water. Or cow hormones. Or maybe the aliens. (the ones from outer space, not other countries)

Somebody puked, but it wasn't the pregnant lady!

As I mentioned last time, I'm 22 weeks pregnant now. That leaves 126 days go to (119 if you account for the c-section). The Boy now looks like a miniature newborn -- and kicks and squirms like a miniature octopus. He checks in at 10.9 inches, which is the length of a spaghetti squash. He weighs almost one pound... more or less. Just a wrinkly little baby, growing away!

Poor Lila puked this morning, for no apparent reason. She was a little whiny from the time she got up, but that just happens sometimes. Shortly before church, while she and Doug were playing with Play Doh, she announced that her tummy felt funny and then threw up all over Doug. She hardly ate anything all day (until she ate an entire apple around 5 o'clock), but she hasn't thrown up again. Who knows...

The one who really suffered in this situation was Doug's cell phone. It was in the pocket of the jeans that got puked on and all of the dirty clothes got put right in the washer, so... yeah, Doug's cell phone is very clean. We are letting it dry out completely and will check tomorrow to see if it still works. Hee hee.

Back to Work

Yesterday was the first day back at work for Doug and myself and boy was it exhausting! Somewhere during the three weeks that Doug was off work, I forgot why it is so important for me to take a nap when Lila does. By the end of the day yesterday, I had remembered. This pregnant body needs rest to make it through a day without turning into a big bear by evening!

I feel like giving you more baby information, so I will. A greasy white substance called vernix caseosa coats BBP's entire body to protect his skin during its long submersion in amniotic fluid. Kinda gross, huh? There's a reason why babies are not so pretty when they first come out of your body. Actually, there are several reasons. Of course, by the time I got to see Lila, they had already cleaned her up.

I don't have any new Poopie Diaper Dodging techniques to report for Lila today (she has decided to stick with a simple, "Don't check it."), but I do have one for Doug. He left for work yesterday in full knowledge that our child had a big stinkie in her pants and he didn't even tell me. I told him later that there was no way he could convince me that he didn't know (you could smell it from three feet away) and he just laughed!

The Boy

Well, for further information on BP 2.0, henceforth known as Baby Boy Peeler (BBP, for short)... I'm halfway to the end - woohoo! It seems to have gone by very quickly, but that's partly because I had no idea I was pregnant for the first five weeks. Based on yesterday's measurements, the doctors are estimating that the boy weighs about 9 oz. That's a wee bit below average, but following the same trend as Lila when I was pregnant with her.

Based on averages, he is about 10 inches from head to heel (the length of a banana). They didn't tell us that measurement from the ultrasound, but I'm sure it's close enough. In case you are interested, up to this point, the baby's length was always from head to rump because in the first half of pregnancy the babies are too curled up to measure their legs. From here on out, the measurement will be head to heel.

Lila now informs us a few times a day that, "It be a little brudder." Ah, my dear, if only you knew what that really meant... :) My head and neck are hurting, so I'm going to go sit a spell in the new shiatsu massage chair that Doug and I gave ourselves for Christmas. It's a happy toy.

No doubt about it...

It's a boy!

Kids

Here's the latest on BP 2.0:

He or she weighs 5 ounces now, which is about the same weight as a turnip. I now understand that these produce comparisons I've been reading are things that have a similar weight, not necessarily similar size. Baby's around 5 inches long and the umbilical cord is getting stronger and thicker. Have you ever seen an umbilical cord in person (or a good photo)? They're really kind of... gross.

We had Grammie (Doug's mom) in town for the weekend, which Lila just loved. The girl has a multitude of grandparents and they all know how to spoil her!

Aww, maaan! She just came running in here, naked, and I grabbed her up for a big hug. Now I'm a sticky mess because she had yogurt for dinner and seems to be wearing as much of it as she ate! She's naked because it's bathtime. I think I might need to take a bath now! We've moved the bathtime earlier in the evening and that seems to be helping her attitude toward the experience. She had gotten intolarably fussy/whiny during baths, but she's been having fun again since we changed the time.

Stuff

Oogie! I've been sick for days - sore throat, headache, can't breathe, body aches, exhausted - but I'm starting to feel better. Actually, I still don't feel very well, but I refuse to be sick any longer. Three days is my limit. So there.

As of yesterday, I'm 16 weeks pregnant - 161 days to go! More or less. The baby is 4.5 inches long, from head to bottom. It also weighs 3.5 ounces, which puts it at about the size of an avocado. (forgive me, but aren't apples bigger than avocados...?) The baby is supposed to go through a big growth spurt over the next few weeks. It will double in weight and add inches in length.

Poor Lila has a big bruise under her left eye. She was standing on a toy in her room a little while ago and fell off. How many times have I told her not to stand on toys?!? Anyway, when she fell, she hit her face on the edge/corner of a table. Ouch!

Well, as much as I enjoy stalling, I really should be helping Doug straighten up the living room. We have people coming over in an hour or two for a Gateway Leadership party. We're having Rudy's BBQ. Mmm... Yummy!

Not an eloquent post

We three kids had a lovely Thanksgiving in Houston. There was an absurd amount of eating that went on, of course, and lots of action with nine people in the house (six adults and three kids). This photo is of Lila and her cousin Olivia taking a bath together. They did that every night (i think) and played together remarkably well. It was really cute to watch.

I had my latest appointment with the OB yesterday and she said, "Yep, you're still pregnant. What do you want me to do about it?" Okay, maybe that's not quite how it went, but some of these pregnancy visits feel about that helpful. (yes, yes - i know full well why prenatal care is vital, but yesterday was a looong day.) My next appointment is in five weeks and that's when we'll have THE ultrasound. (don't call me, i'll call you.)

BP 2.0 measures about 4 inches now, from head to tushie. It only weighs roughly 2.5 ounces, but it's the size of an apple (not those gigantic ones they've had at the grocery store lately). It has started "breathing" amniotic fluid, which helps the lungs develop. The legs are longer than the arms and all those extremities are on the move (though i can still barely feel it).

it's been forever again, i know

Lila spent all of last week sick. It was another one of her mystery fevers and once again they could find no cause. She has an appointment with a specialist on Monday to see if they can figure out why she keeps getting sick. The fevers just seem to be getting higher each time and this one lasted longer than any of the others. I would love for her to just stop getting sick, but I'll settle for a diagnosis.

Baby Peeler 2.0 is doing fine. (Can I shorten that to BP 2.0?) S/he has fingerprints now! and veins! Can you imagine how tiny they must be?!? His/her body is kind of see-through and is catching up with the giant head. Aren't you glad that your head doesn't make up 1/3 of your body size? Further craziness: If it's a girl, then she already has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries! Growing a baby is nuts...

I am exceedingly happy to announce that my hair is no longer frightening. That lovely orange color that it used to be had faded out to a bleached strawberry blond that was not flattering. On top of that, my roots had gotten about three inches long because I was trying to grow the color out. (See photos below.) But, on Thursday, I went and had it high-lighted/low-lighted and chopped off and now it's cute again! Oh, Sweet Day!

A Milestone

This is my 1000th post! Wow! I feel that it should be really memorable or something. I did change the look of things, as I like to do occasionally. You're lucky I don't have more time on my hands or I might change it weekly! I seriously need to take the time to back-up all these old posts. This is better than any baby book and I would be in big trouble if Blogger ever crashed (or something) and ate my archives.

Physically, I am doing much better than I was a few weeks ago. The nausea is minimal and manageable and my allergies haven't been as bad lately either. I think I'm supposed to have more energy now, but I'm still pretty tired. Mentally and emotionally, there's a lot going on inside this wacky old head of mine! Moving to a new house and getting pregnant a month later is a pretty powerful combination!

Baby Peeler 2.0 is doing fine, so far as I know. It should be just over 1.5 inches long, which is roughly the size of a fig. That comparison means nothing to me, however, as I don't think I've ever met a fig. Apparently the baby is almost fully formed and moving now too. He/she even has tooth buds under the gums and the bones are beginning to harden! Crazy, man, crazy...

Doug is feeling the stress of things too. He has been very gracious since we found out that my getting up at all early contributed to feeling ill. He has been allowing me to sleep until 8:30, so he's not getting into work until 9 or 9:30. There have been nights when he had to work more after Lila went to bed because he is behind. I'll be getting up earlier again next week - pray that it goes well!

Lila is as cute and crazy as ever. She has made the transition to sleeping in a Big Girl Bed and it happened more quickly and smoothly than I ever would have hoped! Of course, the past couple of nights, she's been insisting on sleeping in the floor... that's where the 'crazy' part comes in. And she is completely obsessed with the Peanuts Halloween special. She's been talking about it endlessly for days!

Our families are as well as ever, except for Grandad Dorsey. He has begun chemotherapy treatments for lung cancer and somehow managed to get shingles at the same time! He's having a hard time kicking the pain of the shingles, which is making it harder for his system to handle the chemo as well. All around, not a good situation. My mom and aunt are taking it in turns to stay with him.

I haven't seen much of my friends lately. I have been so tired, physically and mentally, that I've been neglecting... pretty much everyone. I will be taking a trip to Fredericksburg this Saturday with a few of my good friends (and some of their sisters/mothers/etc.). That should be fun and, hopefully, refreshing. Meanwhile, everyone we know seems to be cranking out babies!

I recently realized that I've been trying to avoid God (emotionally, if nothing else), roughly since we moved. I'm working on identifying and processing the reasons for that, but just realizing it has made a huge difference. How often I forget that God is the source of my strength! the source of my rest! the source of my joy! the source of my life! I'm so thankful that He never leaves me, even when I run from Him.

Hurley is doing well, now that we've adjusted the a/c-heat settings. Since the nights have gotten cooler, we've discovered that our bedroom is the coolest one in the house. If the heater is set at 72, then our bedroom temperature will be 68. Hurley was really not appreciating the cold and had become rather sluggish. We bumped the thermostat up to 74 a couple of nights ago, which is more to his liking.

The kitties... [sigh] ... where to begin? They are quite well - don't get me wrong. They are just such cats! Charlie is not happy unless I am laying in one place, preferably petting him. Cordy is not happy unless Doug is giving her all of his attention and scratching her belly. Pesky little dictators. It's a good thing we're so crazy about them!

There you go - a long post with lots of photos. That seems memorable enough to celebrate 1000! :)

Prego (not the pasta sauce)

I'm 8 weeks pregnant now - 222 days to go! (Well, actually, it's more like 215 days because they will schedule my c-section for one week before my due date, but let's not worry about things like math.) The baby is now about 5/8 of an inch long, which is roughly the size of a kidney bean. Last week they said it was the size of a blueberry, which honestly sounds bigger than a kidney bean to me...

Smells of all kinds continue to disgust me. I tried emptying out some old leftovers from their tupperware last night (just a little old - they weren't growing anything) and I was so disgusted that I had to stop and ask Doug to finish because I was gagging! I'm not sure if I ever made it clear, but I did have an ultrasound at my first appointment and we saw a tiny blob with a tiny flicker of a heartbeat. I have a picture, but there's really no point in scanning it because it doesn't look like anything but a little blob.

I'm kind of disturbed by the fact that my clothes are already starting to get a bit snug. I was so ill during my first trimester with Lila that I actually lost weight, so to be gaining weight so early this time seems odd. What does not seem odd is that I could sleep about 18 hours a day if I wanted to. I've considered going to bed at 8 or 9 o'clock so that I can sleep more during the night, but I enjoy those two hours of evening child-free time too much to give them up!

Peeler 2.0 Update

I'm 7.5 weeks pregnant now, which means that I have approximately 225 days to go! (not that i'm counting.) The big news in my uterus this week is that little hands and feet are emerging from the developing arms and legs. They look more like paddles than hands and feet, but still... Technically, I have gained two pounds since I found out that I was pregnant, but my weight can fluctuate that much when there's not another person growing inside me.

Sadly, the morning sickness has caught up with me (with a lot of help from my allergies). I was livin' large for a couple of weeks, thinking I'd get off easy this time, but the baby had other plans. The really sad part is that I tend to be ravenous in the evenings (usually for meatloaf or something equally hearty), but I feel horribly full after just a few bites. I've had to learn the hard way to listen to my stomach and not my mouth.

And I'm now back in Cracker Land, which is a lot less exciting than Candy Land. I eat crackers before bed, every time I wake up in the middle of the night, and as soon as I open my eyes in the morning - all in an attempt to ward off the early morning nausea. I'm also still paranoid that I'm having twins. You'd think that my ultrasound would have dispelled that fear, but Dr. G had a hard enough time finding one little baby blob - there could easily have been another one hiding in there!

It's not an alien!

The baby is starting to look like a little human in there. The nose, mouth, and ears are taking shape and it's got a big ol' head! I don't know this first-hand, of course, but that's what I've read. And I've developed a total split personality. I can go from joyful to completely sour in no time flat! I know this is perfectly normal, but it's still not pleasant.

The paranoia I was experiencing last week seems to be fading a bit. I'll still feel better after the appointment with my OB tomorrow, but I think it's helping that I'm starting to really feel pregnant. Now I have moved on to wondering if there's more than one baby in there because I already feel like my insides are getting all stretched out!

Doug is, of course, excited about the pregnancy, but it probably won't seem totally real to him until there's some visual evidence or reminder. I am not holding my breath that they'll do an ultrasound at my appointment tomorrow, but that would be cool! Sadly, Doug won't be able to come to the doctor with me because my appointment (the only one i could get) overlaps with Lila's nap and he'll be here babysitting.

Oh, the Bean just bonked her leg on the door and is sitting in the floor doing some very pitiful whimpering. I think I'll go give her some snuggles... whether she wants them or not! Mwahaha!!!