voices in my head

*Note: In looking back at old blog posts, from the first few months of Lila's life, I've noticed that I mentioned almost nothing about what I was going through emotionally. I don't like that, partly because it seems dishonest and partly because I wish I had a better record for my own benefit. So I'm determined to be more forthright this time around.

I'm having a pretty rough day. Actually, I've been having a rough few days. Depression is rearing its ugly head again, possibly due to a surge in hormones as my delivery draws near. I'm already having thoughts and feelings that are remarkably similar to what I experienced after Lila was born. Thoughts of how I'm a terrible mother and I don't deserve my children, blah blah blah. I'm really not a fan of hormones. Or Satan. Two things which are pretty close to the same in my opinion. :o)~

On a related note, I finally got an appointment with a new psychiatrist (had to get away from the old one because i found her, and many of her policies, to be more frustrating than helpful)! I started with a list of 12 who were on my insurance and relatively nearby and before I was done, I thought I was going to run out of names. Most of them were either not accepting new patients or not accepting my insurance anymore or wanted me to switch counselors, etc. Good grief!

[For a bit of background on this photo, I made a shrimp salad for dinner on Saturday evening and there was quite a bit of it left over. For a before-bed snack, Doug decided to eat the remaining shrimp and toss the rest (because leftover salad is limp and icky). I walked into the living room and found him doing this. He explained that he just didn't want to dirty another dish, but it still cracked me up.]