Lila just did something she's never done before (as well as I recall, anyway). I put her down for a nap at 11:15 a.m., prior to which time she had been fussing for about an hour. So I think she was very ready. She slept for her standard 45 minutes and then woke up and started crying. I was a bit frustrated by this since I wanted to make my grocery list, but whose fault is it that I had not already done that...? Mine.

Anyway, I let her fuss for a couple of minutes to see if she would (a) go back to sleep, or (b) improve her mood before I got her out of bed. Either was a likely possiblity. However, she just continued to cry and sound more and more sad. I went in and got her out of bed, but she continued to cry - tears running down the face and everything. This is not looking good.

I tried holding her while I finished printing something on the computer, but that led to further crying. Okay, so maybe she'd rather play with toys. Nope, not the answer. Well, she'll just have to deal with it for a couple more minutes while I finish what I'm doing. She cried the whole time! By the time I picked her up and left the room with her, she was doing that whole sniffling/hiccuping thing.

Even picking her up and walking around with her - the magic baby calming technique - did nothing for her though! So I thought maybe she was hungry, even though it's too early for lunch. I pulled out her high chair to give her a snack and just the sight of the chair being moved into position inspired new wails of displeasure. Okay. Wrong again.

I couldn't figure out what to do (i'd already given her tylenol *before* her nap because i thought she might be teething)! She didn't appear to be sick or injured and as far as I know she didn't receive any bad news via the telephone. Okay, I'm desperate now, so I pop the pacifier in her mouth and sit down to rock her and see if that would at least calm her down.

I was fully expecting this to piss her off beyond reason because that's usually what happens when you try to rock her anytime other than before a nap or bedtime. However, she only wimpered for a while as she lay on me with her head on my shoulder. Could she still be tired and just wanted to go back to sleep. Maybe she woke up from her nap and sat up, but really she wanted to go back to sleep.

I don't think she's figured out how to lay back down after she sits up on her own yet. Oky-doky. I rocked her for several minutes to make sure she wasn't going to change her mind and then put her in bed. She gave one cry of protest when I left the room and then all was silent. She's been in there for about 10 minutes now and I just hear one little whine every once in a while.

My guess is that she's actually making that noise in her sleep. Poor child. I don't know what that was all about, but I hope she doesn't do it again! For my sake as well as hers. The times that I am most likely to get frustrated with her are when she is crying and I either can't figure out why or I know why, but can't reason with her to tell her why she can't have what she wants right at that moment.

What I hear her "saying" in those times is, "You are a bad Mommy! If you really loved me you'd know what is wrong and you would FIX IT!" I know, rationally, that is not what she's saying or thinking, but it's my insecurity about being a mom pushing through. I'm learning though... When I feel myself getting frustrated, I'm trying to stop and figure out what it is that I'm really upset about so that I can deal with it.

Blah blah blah.